Sunday, October 12, 2014

Today was very challenging. I enjoy going to church in the morning. I knew that I had a couple of stops today and prepared my timeline on how I could get things done; even my grand kids cooperated and were ready on time. Yes! Then ... everything started falling apart.

Trouble with the car, debit card wouldn't work, late for church and to put the icing on the cake I got into an accident. Normally my anxiety level would have gone through the roof with the first three incidents, but things were ... decent. But the accident set me in a fit. Just as we were leaving a local convenience store the steering locked up on me and I just missed hitting a pole. But God!

I believe that an angel of protection was there to guide the car away from the pole and not get hit by the truck behind us. I say that because I cannot figure out how I missed it. Not only that, the truck behind me see so closed and the traffic so heavy that I don't know how he missed hitting us. Again I say, But God. 

 Flashbacks from previous accidents - one in particular - came rushing in. OMG! I sat ... and sat... and sat. I was so shaken I couldn't even call anyone. My grand daughter sat looking at me. I realized that if I lost it so would she and the other grands. A calmness came over me enough for me to drive home. Isn't God good?

The car was silent. The stillness was almost deafening, but I requested the quietness. Every time I looked in the rear view mirror I saw a blue truck burrowing down on us. But it wasn't real. We made it home safely and the children enjoyed a picnic in thee living room and a friendly game on the Wii.
I on the other hand broke down in the privacy of my room. I began shaking and my back spasms began. My heart rate went up and I immediately went into prayer. But wait... I couldn't even pray. Words wouldn't even come out. Ugh!!!!!

After a few moments, I called my pastor. All I said was, "I need you." My pastor spoke to my brokenness and instantly prayed for me. Without me telling her how I was feeling she spoke to and prayed about every emotion, every twitch and pain ... even to my fast heart rate.

Many people may not believe that God can and will speak to His people audibly in this day and time. But if there isn't another time that I know that God exists and speaks I know it today. I am so grateful for the experience of seeing God move in my life like this. You see, it took me almost 10 years for me to get back behind the wheel and drive. But God! 

I was so afraid of driving and the thought of it would send me into a full panic attack. But, whom the Son sets free is free indeed. (John 8:36).  I refuse to return to the bondage of fear, anxiety, and depression. Though the symptoms of PTSD arises now and then, I refuse to allow it to define me and bind me.

Today my life and the lives of my grandchildren were spared. The car will have to go in the shop, but thank God no one had to go into the hospital. Today I'm victorious because of God. There is no way whatsoever I can take credit for anything. God is our (my) refuse and strength, a very present help in the time of trouble. (Psalm 46:1)  God proved Himself strong to me.

The name of Jesus is above PTSD ... above anxiety ... above depression ... or any other mental health issue that has plagued my life. I declare and I decree the Word of God over my life and I am victorious. And guess what? God is no respecter of persons (see Acts 10:34 and Romans 2:11). What He did for me today He can and will do for you. He is able to keep you in the midst of all the craziness and bring you peace in the midst of your storm.

Be encouraged. God is able to do exceedingly abundant above all that we could ever ask or think by the power that works in us. Do you want that power? You can have it today. Just ask for it. Ask Jesus Christ to come into your life and to reign over every situation. Admit that you need HIM. Not only will He come in He will fix you and in the process fix relationships and other things.

Have something you'd like to share? I'd love to hear from you. Just send me an email. Have a great week!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Over the past year I have had some interesting conversations and experiences. I realize I hadn't journaled about them here but I did write many of them down. It's better for me not to write when I'm medicated. Because of a longstanding health issue I was miserable. It's a female thing and I finally had surgery (hysterectomy) and I feel sooo much better. So for those who continue to visit, thank you. Those who are praying for me... THANK YOU! I need it. For those who just thought this was a passing fancy and that I wasn't serious boo hoo on you. Ok, that sounded very childish. Oh well.

So, here's something interesting I learned about myself. I'm cool. Yes, I am. My kids and grand children sometimes think differently, ok... mostly think differently, but I am cool. No, I don't have it all together and yes I have many moments of off the wall craziness. But when the dust settles, I'm walking in my healing, accepting what I can't change and working on myself regularly.

I have a new therapist now. This is so awesome! I love her dearly. So, Dr. Morgan, if you are reading this ....THANK YOU for being you. When you have someone to be accountable to you cherish it. Ok, let's be honest, we don't always like being accountable to someone else. But, I had to learn how to deal with my trust issues and relinquish my control. Dr. Morgan challenges me and pushes me beyond my limits and it's a good thing.

So listen, if you are having control issues and you think you don't need help ... get over yourself and get the help. Sometimes you just need an objective ear. It took a long time and prayer for me to make the decision and actually follow through, but I'm glad I did. For all of the clinicians who actually listen to patients and not allow us to settle I say thanks and way to go. We don't need pampering or someone to coddle us. We need straight answers and honesty. Without we will never fully heal and  learn to deal with our triggers, coping skills or life as we now know it.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Christmas Wish

The Holidays bring much joy to many- spending time with family, friends, exchanging gifts, and festive get-togethers. But for many, the holidays bring reminders of tragedy, depression, and anxiety.
We at Cross Connection Ministries and on behalf of our founded Linda M. Brown, we want each and every one of you to remember that Jesus truly is the reason for this season.

"For unto us a child is born,
unto us a son is given:
and the government shall be upon his shoulder:
and His name shall be called:
The Mighty God,
The Prince of Peace.
(Isaiah 9:6)
You are not alone. Jesus came so that we may have peace that surpasses all of our understanding. I should know. I was diagnosed with depression and given many types of medication. Today, I am medication free because of the I AM - Jesus the Christ. There is healing for whatever you are dealing with and it's in Jesus.
We are praying for you. Need someone to speak to? Email us today. Someone will contact you.
"Beloved, I wish above all things that you prosper and be in (good) health
even as your soul prospers." (3 John 2)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

It would really be nice if I could get to you more than just once a month. But here I am on the cusp of Thanksgiving. It's 2:00 a.m. and I'm listening to Pandora Radio and reflecting on "Things I'm Thankful For". This is something my family discusses every Thanksgiving just before we eat our formal dinner. This year there will not be the formal dinner, but there will be a time of reflection on our attitude of gratitude.

As I reflect I think of the many changes my life has recently encountered: a new job, going back into counseling (as the patient), a blossoming relationship, and a new ministry starting in December. My new job was one I didn't think I would get. What is it? I'm working as an office manager (leader) for a company. I actually turned down a position at a college and two days later I was offered this position. Amazing!

I've noticed my grand children growing and maturing, even as they struggle to find their own way at ages 2, 3, 4, 5, and 8. They're testing boundaries, understanding consequences and rewards, and responsibility. Yes, I'm very thankful. Just living life is enough to have an attitude of gratitude.

So, as I conclude this post my prayer is that you too will be able to look and realize just how special and valuable your life is. And just in case I haven't told you... I appreciate you. Yes, you! You are important to me and I realize your time is valuable. Thank you for sharing this time with me. Thank you for the feed backs and the words of encouragement. You're awesome!


Below is something humorous shared by a pastoral friend through his weekly Monday Morning Mailer newsletter. It made me chuckle, hopefully it will do the same for you. ~Blessings~ 


o     I was in Credulous when I got this. I know it is hard to believe.
o     I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
o     I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
o     I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.
o     I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
o     I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
o     I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
o     Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
o     One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
o     And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!
o     I have been in Deep Doo Doo many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there.

Monday, October 17, 2011

A New Day

I made a big step in my life recently. I sought out a new MH practitioner. Yea me! I've made it up in my mind that I desire more in my life and that I'm willing to make whatever changes needed. But there was one thing: the current counselor was good, but not the best for me. After some prayer and supplication (with thanksgiving) I met a Christian psychotherapist. Wow, that sounds like an oxymoron!

My first session was last week and the first thing during my assessment was one word ... BOUNDARIES. It was suggested that I journal on a more regular basis ... ok, daily. (LOL) So, from time to time I will post my learning experience here. Since today is the first day I want to invite you into my world. This is going to be challenging, liberating and oh so healing. Hopefully as I share my experience(s) you too will learn new things about how to handle things effectively.

One of the things I've been assigned is to chose one Realistic Self-talk a day and focus on it. Today's Realistic Self-Talk is:
 I cannot control the behaviors of others, I can only control my own behaviors.

That's something to think about isn't it? Not only do we not have control we don't even have to take responsibility for their actions. This is all a part of understanding our boundaries. Now you've noticed that I didn't place the definition of boundaries here. This is where your homework begins. Look it up for yourself. Study the definition and begin to ask God to show you where you are overstepping or allowing others to overstep your boundaries.

Be blessed.

Scripture reading for today: Exodus 18:13-24

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


Originally written August 9, 2011
It's 4:45 a.m. and I want to share this personal reflection time with you.  Hopefully you will gather nuggets that will help you on your road to healing and deliverance. Here's one example of my journey:

I recently experienced a financial hardship that I never thought I would find myself in again. Now, you know it is said, "Never say, 'Never'" Well, I did. And because I said this when the situation hit I was devastated. How could I have allowed this to happen ... AGAIN? Frustration, anxiety, and guilt made my heart heavy and troubled my mind. I was consumed. Not only would this effect me, but it will effect everyone in my household. OMG! As I finally got to a point to where I could sincerely pray, the Holy Spirit quickly but softly spoke to me, "Not again." Of course I froze. I'm rarely cut off in the midst of my prayer, especially in the beginning. But He shut me down with a quickness. 
Why would He do that? I was about to confess and just pour my heart out! Actually what I was about to do was relive my past as if it was a movie in HD, as if God needed a reminder of how I got there and why. Guilt, fear, anxiety had quickly become a force in my heart and mind. These things cannot be present when you are in need of answers and need to make decisions. You will find yourself, as I did, acting in desperation and not faith. Even my prayer was that of desperation. So, He had to shut that down in order to deal with me, my issue, and bring healing. Oh, and just a side note, it didn't happen all at once.

UPDATE: I'm out! Not only did God bless me to come out of Egypt, He gave me what I needed to sustain my family and take care of the need. In addition, He gave me a job (full time); something I was doubtful that I could get let alone handle. When you begin to sit at the feet of the Wonderful Counselor and hear what the Spirit is saying to you, and be obedient, He truly leads in the path of righteousness for His name sake.

I start my training tomorrow. So, if you're looking for a job or way of escape from your situation please settle your mind and spirit, thank God for the answer, and believe that you will receive it ... even when you don't understand the particulars. Hey, that's when you really know that God is in it. Watch God move in you and your situation.